Reviews

Pride and Prejudice in 64 Thoughts

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, Jena Malone, Rosamund Pike, Keira Knightley, Brenda Blethyn, Carey Mulligan, 20

By: Jess Arrazolo

  1.    So the husband is always addressed as Mr.? That’s weird.
  2.    Damn these three make an entrance.
  3.    Did the mom really just say her daughter isn’t pretty? Bitch, she takes after you.
  4.    Ugh. Darcy is a DICK.
  5.    This mom’s manipulative. Damn she’s sneaky. Did she actually cause her daughter to get a cold?
  6.    These match makers don’t fuck around.
  7.    Darcy’s face does not move.
  8.    He looks like a way attractive Snape.
  9.    Okay, so Blingly’s sister is a bitch.
  10.  Awwwww how sweet. He helped her into the carriage.
  11.  Damn they hate Collins.  He’s already exhausting.
  12.  “Excellent boiled potatoes.”
  13.  Goddamn all these people think about is marrying into status.
  14.  These girls are thirsty as fuck.
  15.  Why is Lizzie always second? She’s pretty too. If she can land Will Turner, she can definitely get anyone in this film.
  16.  This Redcoat is cute.
  17.  Ooh Mr. Wickham and Darcy have a stare down.
  18.  And then Darcy leaves.
  19.  Why do I feel like Wickham is actually lying?
  20.  Is he pulling a Hans? Is he actually not a Kristoff but in fact a Hans?
  21.  So. Darcy low key, high key likes Lizzie. Like a lot.
  22.  Collins in creepy.
  23.  Darcy is that dark and mysterious boy who’s seen some shit and now he thinks he’s some deep starving artist type that’s angry with the world and Lizzie is having none of it.
  24.  He just appears out of nowhere like fucking Edward Cullen.
  25.  I’m starting to understand the pride part of this film. Lizzie’s pride has been wounded by Darcy because he said once that she ain’t shit and now she hates him.
  26.  Damn. Can Darcy smile? You’d think it would hurt him inside.
  27.  Lizzie is the queen of sass.
  28.  Wait, did Darcy just say that he hopes Lizzie will get to know him in the future?
  29.  Oh my God. Can Collins just give it up?
  30.  I’ve never seen someone look so terrified of a flower. I hate this.
  31.  BRUH. She just said she hasn’t given you an answer. You’re moving to fast.
  32.  He’s her only option? How rude. Once again, she got Will Turner, she can top you, Dude.
  33.  Everyone laughs at everything.
  34.  How does Donald Sutherland look older than he does now? Is it the hair? President Snow has shorter hair…
  35.  Jane got dropped fast as fuck.
  36.  They sure do toss the word love around.
  37.  Why the FUCK is Darcy there? This man pops up everywhere.
  38.  He looks at her like it hurts his heart.
  39.  Good God speak, man. You look like you’ll swallow your tongue.
  40.  Charming house my ASS… and he rushes out.
  41.  That was awk.
  42.  So Darcy sabotaged Jane’s engagement.
  43.  I don’t understand how these people just throw the word love around.
  44.  Darcy looks so hurt it breaks my heart. Why you do this, Lizzie? Come here, Man, I’ll give you a hug.
  45.  Life just keeps bringing these two together.
  46.  Damn he’s rich.
  47.  He just looks so sad.
  48.  Fucking Wickham, what does Lydia have that benefits him?
  49.  So, does the mom low key suffer from anxiety?
  50.  Is marrying really that big an accomplishment? Lol. Literally no one is happy or celebrating with her.
  51.  Darcy paid him off? She’s fucking 15.
  52.  Mrs. Bennett is exhausting.
  53.  I can’t tell if she’s fake as fuck or if she still hoped he would marry Jane. She’s both.
  54.  He’s flustered. It’s cute.
  55.  Darcy’s like, “Dude calm you shit.” Hypocrite.
  56.  Aw she said yes.
  57.  She’s realizing she loves Darcy.
  58.  Lady Catherine knows they love each other.
  59.  This is such a power move, it’s not even funny.
  60.  I feel like this was the moment that Lizzie made the decision to move on.
  61.  He walked there just like she did. Lizzie if you don’t accept this declaration…
  62.  Darcy deserves a fucking Oscar. He still doesn’t smile and you know he’s over the moon.
  63.  SMILE GOD DAMMIT.
  64.  Mrs. Darcy. (:

 

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